i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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