Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
