we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
