Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
