Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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