After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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