I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
