I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
