And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
