Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
