9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
