Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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