Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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