I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I AM VODKA MAN
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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