My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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