Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You smell like stripper and shame
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
