i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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