Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
