Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
