You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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