haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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