So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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