If you die in college, do you die in real life?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
