it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
