I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
