...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
