Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
