I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
