Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
