How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
