hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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