There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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