Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
