day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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