I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
