I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
