Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
