respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
