Im at strip club and am horny
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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