If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
