my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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