Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
