my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So much rum. So many feels.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize