I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
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I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
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You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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