He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
