My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
