i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
