you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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