"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
