Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
