So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
