mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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