the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
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seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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