Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
