his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
