good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
