it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
