Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
