dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
