you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My penis needs a shock collar
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
