Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
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Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
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It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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