I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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