And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's rum buckets o'clock
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
