my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
