It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
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She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
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Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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