They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
