The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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