My liver just broke up with me...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Every concussion has its silver lining
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
