just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wish you could order shots online.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
