i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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