i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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