Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
